Remi's Realm [RR]

Relationships are complicated?

Hell yeah!

Why so?

Guess what?

Homo sapiens is a complicated species. Let alone when two or more of us come together, potentially with little kids in the mix. Things get extremely complicated.

But maybe there is a reason for that.

Ancient Greek philosophers explored the idea that a human being is a microcosm, a small version of the universe. Centuries later, the Ikhwan al-Safa, Ibn al-Arabi, Rumi, and Said Nursi explored similar ideas in their own ways.

There is a beautiful thought behind all of this:

If you could shrink the universe, it would become a human being. If you could enlarge a human being, it would become the universe.

Think about that for a moment.

Every person you meet is carrying an entire universe inside them. Their own history, fears, dreams, contradictions, memories, and hopes. Things you may never fully understand, no matter how close you get to them.

Now imagine bringing two of these universes together.

And then adding a couple of little humans of their own.

No wonder relationships are complicated.

So, if every human being is a universe of their own, how do you figure out whether two universes are meant to coexist?

How do you make sense of all the emotions, expectations, disappointments, memories, and little things that slowly pile up over the years?

Do you just follow your heart? Do you make a pros and cons list? Do you ask your friends? Or do you keep telling yourself that things will eventually get better?

Just a week ago, a friend of a friend of mine (Susan) recommended a book to me: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. So, a shout-out to her for introducing me to it.

The book approaches this complicated question in a surprisingly structured way, so much so that it could be represented as an algorithmic flowchart taught in “Data Structures and Algorithms” courses in computer science colleges. Instead of asking you to make one big decision based on how you feel today, it walks you through a series of diagnostic questions about your relationship.

And here is the interesting part.

As someone who has spent years in software engineering, I couldn’t help thinking:

What if I could turn this process into an algorithm?

Not because relationships are software. They aren’t.

But sometimes, when you feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop, a flowchart can help you see where you are going.

Before diving into the algorithmic flowchart, let’s get some disclaimers out of the way…

Disclaimers

• Do consult the original book.
• Do refer to the “Our Contract” part of the book (page 11) where the author lays down the ground rules between her and the readers.
• Do not consider this algorithmic flowchart a decisive and conclusive guide.
• Do run your decisions and doubts by a trusted therapist.

Algorithmic Flowchart

References & Further Reading

Abbreviations

• TBTS: Too Bad To Stay
• TGTL: Too Good To Leave

AI Collaboration Note: Edited with AI assistance for grammar and phrasing. Concepts, insights, and voice are entirely my own.